I'm FREEEEE

I'm FREEEEE - From myself...

I never thought it could happen. I thought me and my ex-bestfriends would be ex-bestfriends for the rest of our lives. I thought I'd always feel sad, angry and guilty about it... Same way as I always thought I would, forever, be keeping the deep, dark secret of how my ex-bestfriend's boyfriend cheated on her with me.

I thought those things would be eating at me for the rest of my life...

But! URIKA! Not anymore! After 2 months of CONSTANT worrys, sadness, bitterness and secretness....

I. Am. FREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

How, you may ask?

Easily.

Afrer ages of "I'm sorry" and "It was my fault" and "I'm a new person" crap, I told my ex-bestfriend why I REALLY stopped being friends with her. Cos I was jelous. She always got the boy I wanted, and I was angry and jelous of that. And I got so mad, I turned a bunch of shit on it's head to make it look like she was just a plain damn bad friend.

And you know what?

We talked it out AAAAND....

We're friends again.

We ain't gonna be bestfriends, like before. It doesn't work like that. Maybe, in the far away future, but not right now.

MORAL LESSON: Telling the truth... It works.

And now, to COMPLETELY take the piss out of that MORAL LESSON.

The cheating thing?

Yeah, me and (Jesus, now I can't call her my ex-bestfriend... That makes me rather happy!) MY FRIEND (Teeehehehe) were texting (like normal) and I asked her

"How long you going out with your boyfriend now?"

Her: "Not counting all the break-ups? 8 months."

She should count the break-ups. She had other relationships between the break-ups, so did he. She moved on. And, plus, the break-ups were for a couple of months! COUNT THEM!

Anywho...

We were still talking, about make-ing out.

I'm saying I made-out (we call it MEETING) with 5 people.

Let me explain...

1.) Random, fugly 5th year at a disco. It was desperate!

2.) My ex (First boyfriend, also desperate)

3.) NIAMH! Yes, a girl. In a mental hospital. SHE JUMPED ON ME!

4.) David (friends boyfriend)

5.) Francis (No, we didn't make-out. He kissed me. But, like, whatever!!)

Anyway, she's met THREE! I was like "Whhhha?!" I thought SHE had met more people than ME. She always gets the guy, right?!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!

So, I said this. In an attempt to win her "Yeah, well, I'm still great than you" battle-thingy, she says

"Well, I was meant to meet Sully (whoever dat it) the other day, but me and Dave out back together so I didn't."

BING!! Lightbulb goes off in my head. Teeehehehe...

We talk for abit, then I say

"Hey, do you think David would be mad if you DID meet that lad?"

"Dave...?"

"Yeah, like, if HE had met a person when ye broke up, would YOU be mad?"

"No. Why...?"

Haha. Sorted.

"Well, I met David. But ye had broken up."

"Oh.... Right.... When was this?"

Oh crap. I don't know when they were on or off or whatever. If I say some date when they WERE together, she'll know he cheated with me!!

Me: "Oh, AAAAAGES ago. He said ye were broke up at the time. But ye got back together, like, 2 days later."

"Oh, Ok."

"You're not mad, are you?"

How could she be? She was going to do the same thing he did. Only, he WAS going out with her at the time he met me... But she don't need to know the small details!

"No. He's in love with me so why would I be mad?"

Yeah, I know what that means. TRANSLATION:

"I'm not mad. He says he loves me, so he ain't gonna go off with you bitch, so hands off, ya?!"

I went on about how he ALWAYS says he loves her so so so so so much

(He never does. Her facebook status one day was :,( And I asked him bout it.... He said I dunno. Some boyfriend.)

And she said

"I love him more than anyone ever. He's my everything."

Yes, and you say that about ever guy you go out with. She actually does. She can't tell the difference between REALLY liking, and being in LOVE with someone. She'll learn it though. The hard way. She always says she loves them.

But, you know, if you were THAT much in love with David, why were you gonna meet SULLY?!

The old me would have said that to her. The new me? Thinks it, writes in her blog, and smiles and noddes and her friend. Not you problem, Clodagh. Don't worry bout it.

So, now? I'm free.

No dark spot in my brain that comes out and reminds me of my past mistakes.

I am FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

And happy.

And it is AMAZING.

Ah Crap,,,

Ah Crap... - Continue.

Yeah, I did post everyday. Or every second day. Or... Okey, I'll post SOME times, yeah?

Anyways, I'm having abit of trouble with my whole A Girl Called Black story. How so? Well... I haven't started...

Sometimes, you're just not in the mood to write a love story, yeah know? Like, when they guy you like is going out with someone who doesn't deserve him... Or when the guy you like goes off with your friend... Or when your closest guy-friend says we can't see each other anymore because his parents don't want him too...

Yeah, if all that happened to you in the space of, like, 2 hours, you wouldn't want to write about Oliver and Black, now WOULD YA?!

Anyway. Calm down Clodagh. So what? There are things that can make me feel better in this situation. Time to give myself some hope-filled adivce.

Boy A.)

Situation:

I had a bestfriend. We stopped being bestfriends, or friends at all, for that matter. Know we dislike each other immensly. So, my ex-bestfriend was going out with Boy A. Boy A got pissed with my ex-bestfriend and cheated on her... With me. He said he'd get with me, and just wouldn't break up with her because she'd turn everyone against him (She would too). Me and Boy A kept texting, talking, planning... Then, he says "Oh, by the way, me and (my ex-bestfriend) are back together."

Then me, being all pissed, gets mad. He used me. Cos he was mad. Now he's saying he LOOOOVES her and wouldn't give her up for the WOOOORLD. You didn't love her when you went off with me, boy!

Anyways, because I dislike her immensly, I can't help thinking I'd be better for him...

Solution:

Haha! So, when he gets pissed with you, he can go off to her? He's full of games and shit. Clodagh, forget him. Yeah, you like him, but he's a playa and in for the action. Be friends with him, of course. But forget him. He'll just hurt you.

Boy B.)

Situation:

Me and Boy B got on SO well. Everyone said he flirted with me, and I think he is SO good looking and, before I knew it, I started liking him. Really badly. We were such close friends, we were so good... Then me friend asked him to go off with me for me. Then it turned. He stopped talking to me as much, stopping being pally, got mad... We were never as close as we once were. He WAS getting ALOT closer to one of my good friends. He started being the way he was with me, with HER. Then, of course, my friends turned too. Suddenly, he so likes HER! He should go with her. And it was true. They were closer then me and him know, and I missed me and him so much... Then, I went away for 2 weeks. I come back, text him for the first time and you know what the first thing he says to me was?

"Hey! Hows you? Did you hear, me and (my good friend) went off together."

No...

He said we were just friends. He said they were just friends. Now they went off together... I was so jelous, so hurt...

Solution:

You are never going to see Boy B and Good Friend again. That sucks, I know. And you still really like him. And you wonder why he went off with her and not YOU. You and her were in the exact same situations with him, only he stopped being so close to you when you asked, and he went off with her when she asked... Well, they were together longer, I guess. Maybe he just didn't like you. No point worrying, it's the past. Like I said, you're never going to see them again. Leave them off, 'cos they're never going to see eachother again either!

Boy C.)

Situation:

Same situation as Boy B. Almost, like, best friends with this guy, you like him, you tell him... Only, he didn't like you. But he was so sweet about it and let you down gently and ye stayed amazing friends. Until now. Ye planned to meet up again, but now his parents said ye can't. Ever. And he says he owns his parents that at least, after everything they've done for him. But it means I can never see him again...

Solution:

Try stay in contact, by Facebook and texting. Hey, go to one of his bands shows! Then you can see him. It'll be difficult, and it mightn't be the same... But it shows he has respect for his parents, which is good. Course, you'll miss him... But think of him. It's the best for him. If you love them, let them go.

Ok...

Ok... - Just a couple things!

Well, I didn't write yesterday (Tuesday) because I was BANNED from my laptop and/or any other computer device. Because I wasn't our of bed and dressed by 10am. A new thing my parents brilliantly devised... Structure to me day. Up and 10am. Bed? Yeah, I go to bed when I'm tired. I sleep when I'm tired. That's my routine.

Anyways, just a couple of things I'd like to share with you! My FAVOURITE things at the mo!

1.) http://dereklandy.blogspot.com

The blog of my favourite author!

He's writes the Skulduggery Pleasant book series that I J'DORE! They're my favourite books and the guys a genious! Serously.

2.) http://www.snopes.com

All those Urban Legends and the "There was once a lad who...". They're all explained and proven weither those are true or false! Fun when you're BOOOOORED!

3.) http://twitter.com/clodaghmac

It's MEEEH. On Twitter.

4.) Not a website. Amazingly. Books.

First one is The Declaration by Gemma Malley. Amazing. (It's got a few covers...)

Second is Marshmallow Magic And The Wild Rose Rouge by Karen McCombie. Best book ever.

And the Third is Scarlett by Cathy Cassidy. Ugh. Love it.

5.) Scene Hair. OMG. I LOOOURVE it.

I'm A Volunteer!

I'm A Volunteer - Dude...

A Volunteer. A volunteer. Dude. Like, volunteer is someone who does GOOD, for NO reason! It's cool. Thought I'm not volunteering for a charity or anything, I'm volunteering for the

Junction Festivle in Clonmel.

Basically, it's like this arty, modern, hipping festivle where preforemers from everywhere and anywhere preform for... Well... people. What's my job? To help. Get stuff ready, greet people, pour the tea and coffee and preform. Basically, the kids that volunteer also get to particpate in the preformances and to watch them too! We get T-shirts, so people know we're there to help. We preforme. And we get to go to 3 free preformances of anything, as long as they're not sold out. All the rest of the shows (minus the concerts, which are on in a different location) are just €5, and to everyone else they're €20 or so! It's amazing!

I'm going with my 'lil cousin Niamh. 'Lil being 11 months younger than meeeh. She's cool. Very cool. VERY pretty. Love her hair. She rocks.

Anywho, me and Niamh are volunteering together. You gotta pick a "Cafe" that you want to particpate in. Like, we're doing a Youth Drama Cafe. Where we teach the little kids, mind them while they're running around, and do a little show for 'em! I love kids, and I love acting, so it's PUUUUURFECT!

Me and Niamh were also doing a Contempary Dance cafe... I thought that would be street dancing, hip-hop, break dancing. I was excited. Then I wathed a video.... A video of "Isel Chiodi Dance Comapny"... Here's a link... http://vimeo.com/6034257 I do NOT like THIS type of dancing. Not interested. I like hip-hop, street, free-style... Not rolling around on the floor doing rolly-polleys. Damn it.I wanna back out and JUST do the Youth Drama one, not the other one... AH, we'll see...

Yeah...

Yeah... - Well NOW!

I HAD decided to write in this blog every day... Well, in my HEAD I did. Was my last entry yesterday? I don't THINK so... Or WAS it?!

Ah, nevermind.

Anywho, I started a STORY today! Teehee! A STORY! With new CHARACTERS! Teeeehehe! EXCITMENT!

I'm just kinda scared this story of mine will end up like all the stories of mine... Saved on my computer, 2 pages in, never to be touched again... If only my ADHD mind would let me... Oh yeah! RANDOM FACE ABOUT MEEEH: I have ADHD. It stands of Atttention Deficite Hyperactive Disorder. Yeah, big words dude. Nah, it basically means I find it REALLY hard to concentrate and stuff, and I'm very impulside, so I'll do something without thinking. Like, in school, I'll just stand up and close the window, or yell out the answer to the question, stuff like that. Stuff that get you into TROOOUBLE! The Hyperactive part of ADHD, I don't have. So I'm not constantly on the move or always running around or anything.

AH! BACK TO THE MATTER AT HAND!

A STOOOOOORY!

Alright, let me explain...

It's called "A Girl Named Black"... Simply because, her name is Black. She's the main character.

This is Black.

This is Oliver.

Oliver and Black are BOTH the main characters, I guess...

Basically, it's a LUUUURVE story.

Oliver is happy with his life.

A normal teenage boy.

He's got his best mate Alex, his crush Emma, his twin sister, Abbey, as well as homework, sports, music and TV.

Yeah, just a normal guy.

Until Black comes along.

She's tought, hard, mysterious, bad...

Everything Oliver trys to stay away from.

But Oliver is drawn to Black and discovers that, behind the hard shell and eyeliner is a vunerable, quiet, secret girl that Oliver can't stay away from..

But Black has secrets, secrets she won't even share with him and, before they know it,

they're both thrown into a dangerous, twisting adventure that could leave

Oliver and Black without anything left to pull them

back to saftey...

OOOh! Now I wanna read that book... Hey! It's MY book! Actually, it's the story inside my head, but whatever...

I LIKE IT!

The two people in the picture? Yeah, dunno who they REALLY are. I DO know that the boy who is my inspiration for the look of Oliver (minus the piercings) is a model named Alex Evans. I could Google Image that boy for DAAAYS! HE IS SO DAMN SEXUAL!

Ah-hem. Let me compose myself.

Anyway, yes, that's my story. Hope I can stick to it...

:P

<3

Err... Hi.

Err... Hi. - I guess I should explain...

So... Eh... Wel...

Who am I?

Oh, sorry. Let me introduce myself. My name is Clodagh. I'm 14... And now I'm bored. Damn it. Need this introduction lightened up abit, don't I? I know! One of 'em Facebook Surveys! That'll explain EVERYTHING!

* . . About You . . *
Eye Color: I've been told they're green, blue, grey... They're greeny-blue.
Hair Color: Brown, with a tinge of ginge! And some gold. All natural.
Height: 5'7'' I think. Or 170-something centimeters.
Favorite Color: Aqua, Turoquise, Hot Pink and black.
Screen Name: Clodaghmac, usually.
Favorite Band: Used to be Tokio Hotel, now... I do not know!
Favorite Movie: Fight Club, Green Street, Kick Ass... Boys movies.
Favorite Show: MTV Made.
Your Car: I Don't drive!
Your Hometown: Beautiful Ballyporeen!
Your Present Town: Err... The beautiful Ballyporeen... Like I just said.
Your Crushes First Name: Haha. Yeah, No.
Your Grade: 3rd Year in September!
Your Style: I like to go with the trends, but I guess it's kinda quirky and BoHo chic.

* . . Have You Ever . . *
Sat on your rooftop? Yeppers.
Kissed someone in the rain? I have...
Danced in a public place? All the time!
Smiled for no reason? Uh-huh.
Laughed so hard you cried? Yes!
Peed your pants after age 8? Erh... Maybe...
Written a song? Too many.
Sang to someone for no reason? Always!
Performed on a stage? Yes.
Talked to someone you don't know? Yeah.
Gone out of your way to befriend someone? Think so...
Made out in a theatre? Yeah...
Gone roller skating since 8th grade? Nope.
Been in love? I think so...

* . . Who was the last person to . . *
Say HI to you? My mother.
Tell you, I love you? My mam?
Kiss you? That boy...
Hug you? Mam.
Tell you BYE? Mammy!
Write you a note? Niamh, my cousin!
Take your photo? Niamh!
Call your cell phone? Mother-darling.
Buy you something? Mam, I guess.
Go with you to the movies? Niamh.
Sing to you? Nicola!
Write a poem about you? Harriet...
Text message you? Simon.
Touch you? Mam.

* . . What's the last . . *
Time you laughed? Today!
Time you cried? A couple days ago...
Movie you watched? Street Dance... 2D.
Joke you told? It was just an impression, so...
Song you've sang? "My First Kiss" - 30H!3 feat. Ke$ha.
Time you've looked at the clock? Right now... it's 16:47pm.
Drink you've had? Diet Club Orange.
Number you've dialed? I do not remember...
Book you've read? "The Declaration" by Gemma Malley.
Food you've eaten? BBQ!
Flavor of gum chewed? I actually have a phobie of chewing gum so... EWWWW!
Shoes you've worn? Gold gladiator sandals from Penneys!
Store you've been in? Tesco.
Thing you've said? "Yeah, okay."

* . . Can You . . *
Write with both hands? No, espically since one arm is in a cast...
Whistle? Amazingly.
Blow a bubble? Yeah!
Roll your tounge in a circle? Yep!
Cross your eyes? I can indeed.
Touch your tounge to your nose? Yes, yes.
Dance? I can pop it, lock it AND poka-dot it.
Gleek? Like, sing and dance and act at the same time? Indeed.
Stay up a whole night without sleep? I have... It sucked.
Speak a different language? Qui, Tá (That's "Yes" in French and Irish)
Impersonate someone? Yeah! Stacey from last year's X Factor!
Prank call people? Totes.
Make a card pyramid? Nah...
Cook anything? Yeah, I do Home Ec.

* . . Finish The Line . . *
If i were a ... Bird I'd fly!
I wish ... I could have someone "Special"...
So many people don't know that ... I have Depression...
I am ... Getting there.
My heart is ... Searching.

Yeah, I HOPE that helped explain me a little better. There's more to tell, odvously, but that'll happen at a LATER date.

;]

<3